How Remember Rufus Is Helping To Transform Bereavement Care Across the UK

In the depths of unimaginable loss, Rufus’ family created a legacy of love that touches others navigating similar heartache. A charity founded in memory of baby Rufus, who was stillborn at 39 weeks due to a placental abruption and HELLP syndrome.

Thanks to a CuddleCot provided by 4Louis, Rufus’ parents were given six precious days to spend with their son. That time, and the memories they made, were life-changing. From this experience, Remember Rufus was born, with a promise: that no family should be denied the chance to say goodbye in the way they need to.

In this heartfelt interview, we speak with Rufus’ mum about the mission behind Remember Rufus, the incredible impact of their work, and the powerful community that continues to grow around their son’s memory.

About Remember Rufus

1. Can you share the story behind Remember Rufus and what inspired you to start the charity?

Remember Rufus was started in October 2020, when our firstborn baby, Rufus, was sadly stillborn at 39 weeks gestation following a placenta abruption and HELLP syndrome. Rufus was 6lbs 6, had beautiful wavy red hair and a freckle in his ear, he was absolutely perfect and although our hearts were shattered we were so very proud to call him our son. We were able to spend 6 days with Rufus thanks to the use of a CuddleCot, kindly donated to UHCW by 4Louis, and I truly believe the chance to say goodbye in the way we needed to, made our experience slightly more bearable. There will never be enough time when you imagine it will your whole life, but it gave us and our family the opportunity to make lasting memories which help us through some of the darkest hours. We wanted to make sure other families facing the unimaginable pain of losing their baby had the opportunity to do the same. We made a promise to Rufus that we would channel our grief into making a difference, that he would always be remembered and his light would keep shining through the work we do in his honour. 

2. What is the mission of Remember Rufus, and how has it evolved since you began?

Our mission is to enhance the bereavement care offered to families following miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death by donating much needed equipment and supplies to NHS Trusts across England and Wales. 

3. How do you hope to support bereaved families through your work?

Primarily this is through donating CuddleCots and providing spare parts, but we have also gifted prams to be used for walks outside or so parents can transport their baby to the chapel of rest for example, as well as moses baskets. Additionally, we have funded a Baby Loss Training Day through CuddleCot to empower Healthcare Professionals to provide compassionate care to the families they look after where they have developed important skills in areas such as memory making. More recently we have been fundraising for two bereavement suites at our local hospital, I am also part of the project team designing these spaces as a volunteer parent voice. Remember Rufus has been in a number of magazines and newspapers to break the stigma of babyloss.

Fundraising & Growth

4. Your fundraising efforts have been remarkable, what are some of the key ways you’ve raised funds for CuddleCots?

We are really fortunate to have an incredibly supportive group of friends and family, initially our aim was to fund the cost of one CuddleCot but when we set up our justgiving page following the announcement of Rufus’ death, we were inundated with donations and within a couple of hours had raised enough to supply two! The main event we do is the London Landmarks Half Marathon which both Rufus’ Dad Billy and I have done. This year we have 10 runners taking part which is our biggest year yet! We have had people taking on events for Remember Rufus all across the country (and some overseas!), including marathons, the three peaks challenge and Iron Man. We have been really fortunate to have been awarded some community grant funding, had support from local businesses and beautifully some families who have used one of our CuddleCots have organised donations for us at the funeral of their precious baby. 

5. What have been some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced in fundraising, and how have you overcome them?

I think for us it is probably time. We run Remember Rufus in our spare time and we are so grateful for the supporters who have enabled us to achieve more than we could have dared to to dream when we first started, but I would love to be able to do more. Babyloss affects 1 in 4 and not only is it severely underfunded, but there are huge disparities in care depending on where you live – this has to change. 

Absolutely. We have been so fortunate that Rufus now has two little brothers. We met Lauren who runs the Baby Sensory classes in Rugby, Daventry and Lutterworth and shared Rufus’ story with her during one of our first classes and she was so kind and supportive. Lauren went on to run multiple charity sessions for Remember Rufus, raising over £5000. The reason this is my most memorable fundraising event is that upon hearing that Peter Pan was a really special part of Rufus’ story, Lauren designed unique Neverland themed sessions and everyone dressed up. It felt like such a celebration of his life and I could see the impact his legacy was having. A few of the parents reached out to me to share their own stories and some emotional, but beautiful conversations were had.

7. What advice would you give to other charities or individuals who want to raise funds for a CuddleCot?

My advice would be to try to educate your potential donors. Not many people have heard of what a CuddleCot is until they, or a close contact, have needed to use one (myself included) and the death of a baby is not something many people like to think about. Focus on the choices they give, and the research in how beneficial that time is for grieving parents, and how it can be down to luck whether a family is able to use one. When we were in hospital with Rufus, our original CuddleCot stopped working, we were really fortunate that the maternity unit had 3 so it could be quickly swapped as there was another family sadly using the second. Please remember to reflect at the end, and think of the many lives your kindness will touch. 

If Remember Rufus can help support you by topping up your fundraising, please just send me a message. We have done this for parents previously and have included a personal plaque to honour the donation. 

CuddleCot Placements

8. You’ve placed an incredible number of CuddleCots, how many have you donated so far, and where have they gone?

Thank you, we have donated 31 CuddleCots to NHS Trusts all over England and Wales including:

– George Eliott, Nuneaton

– Macclesfield Maternity Unit

– The Royal, Wolverhampton

– Bolton

– The Royal, Surrey

– Lancashire Teaching Hospital

– St Richard’s & Worthing Hospital

– Manchester Children’s Hospital

– Oldham Community Nursing Team

– Sunderland Royal

– Warwick Hospital

– The James Cook Hospital, Teeside

– Guys & St Thomas

– Manchester Pediatric MacMillan team

– Blackpool Teaching Hospital

– Rugby Children’s Palliative Care Team

– The Princess Alexandra, Harlow

– Stoke Community Nursing Team

– Birmingham Women’s Hospital 

– Worcester Royal Hospital

– Glan Clwyd Hospital

– Hereford County Hospital

– The Grange Hospital

– Leicester Royal Infirmary

– Hampshire Hospital

– Whiston Hospital 

9. How do you decide which hospitals, hospices, or bereavement suites receive a CuddleCot?

We regularly contact hospitals to check if anyone is in need of a CuddleCot, and then we operate a waiting list. Sometimes we receive a donation for a specific hospital, for example through a local business, or a bereaved parent wanting to give back to the place they spent time with their baby. We would really welcome hospitals getting in touch to be added to our list as we are currently allocating funds. 

10. Have you received any feedback from hospitals or families about the impact of the CuddleCots you’ve placed?

We have received some really beautiful messages both from the hospitals where we have donated CuddleCots, and from families who have sadly used them. We always hope they will gather dust in the corner never needing to be used but we are humbled to know our fundraising has given parents facing the hardest goodbye more time to make memories.

11. What does it mean to you personally to know that so many families have benefited from your efforts?

It’s really difficult to answer this question, we are of course incredibly proud of Rufus’ legacy and it is such an honour to be able to pour our love for him into the charity, and keep him close, but it breaks my heart to think of more families in such unimaginable pain. 

Community & Awareness

12. How important is community support in the work you do?

It’s so important, both from a fundraising perspective and also the opportunity to raise the subject of baby loss, making people feel less alone. 

13. How do you engage with bereaved families who want to support or connect with Remember Rufus?

Most of our engagement is from social media. On our pages, I share very openly about my personal grief journey as well as news from the charity and links to helpful resources. I am always here to listen, I had so many virtual strangers from the baby loss community support me through the early days of grief, I will never forget their kindness and it truly saved my life. It’s an honour to give that time and space back to other families, and to hear about their precious babies. 

Future Plans

15. What’s next for Remember Rufus? Do you have any upcoming projects or goals you’re working towards?

We are so close to hitting our next goal of raising over £100,000, our next target is to donate our 50th CuddleCot. Our mission is to make sure every NHS team who may need a CuddleCot has access to multiple units so that in the tragic event of a baby dying, the staff are able to provide one to the parents to use in hospital or at home without any concerns of availability. 

16. How can people support Remember Rufus and get involved in your work?

You can support Remember Rufus by donating to a justgiving page on our website www.rememberrufus.org. We would be so grateful if you can follow us @rememberrufus on Instagram and Facebook, please like and share our posts – you never know who might need to see them in your network.

You could also nominate us for your charity of the year at work! If anyone is interested in partaking in an event to raise money for our charity, please get in touch. And if you ever see anything Peter Pan related, please think of our little wild Rufus, with a feather in his hat. 

Personal Reflections

18. What has been the most rewarding part of this journey for you?

The opportunity to talk to people about Rufus, it really keeps him close. I am so passionate about ensuring bereaved parents are afforded with compassion and dignified care, sadly we can’t take the pain away but with the right support we can help to soften the edges. The teams we have donated to have been so grateful, and have explained what a difference it makes not only to the families, but to the healthcare professionals who so want to do their best in the worst situation. Hearing their words makes me feel so proud and comforted that my son’s little life is making a huge difference.

19. If you could send a message to every family who has used a CuddleCot you’ve donated, what would it be?

I am so sorry your heart is broken, I know it seems insurmountable right now, but I promise you, you’re going to get through this. Take all of the time you need to soak in your precious baby, and know that they never truly leave you. You will see them all around you in anything that is beautiful, you will feel them pull you through when it all feels too much, they are in everything you do. I know you won’t believe me but you will laugh again, and then probably cry again but that’s ok – grief isn’t linear. Keep taking it minute by minute when you need to, don’t look too far ahead right now, just day by day. You are always their mum and we won’t ever forget your baby x

20. Looking back at everything Remember Rufus has achieved so far, what are you most proud of?

It’s really hard to pick just one, it was such a ‘pinch me moment’ when we handed over the cheque for £25,000 to UHCW as we know what a huge difference it will make for families to have a private bereavement suite to spend time in rather than going to the postnatal ward, like we had with Rufus. It’s always incredibly special to donate CuddleCots in memory of other babies too as we know firsthand how much it means to do something in their honour. I think the most memorable moment was probably when we did our first CuddleCot donation – I remember shaking when I placed the order and I cried the whole way to the hospital to deliver it (which was 2 hours away!) The realisation that we were actually ‘doing this’ and that our deep pain was being channelled into good was overwhelming and made me feel so proud of how far we had come. 

Through every CuddleCot donation, bereavement suite funded, and conversation opened about baby loss, Remember Rufus is helping families feel less alone in their grief. With more than 30 CuddleCots already placed across England and Wales, and a growing network of support, Rufus’ legacy continues to shine brightly.

Whether you’re looking to fundraise, nominate a charity at work, or simply share a message of compassion, Remember Rufus invites you to be part of something that truly makes a difference. As Rufus’ mum says, “We can’t take the pain away, but with the right support we can help soften the edges.” And in doing so, we honour every precious baby and the families who love them.

To learn more, visit www.rememberrufus.org or follow @rememberrufus on Instagram and Facebook.