The reason why the word ‘Sport’ sounds the same as ‘support’?

Written by Sian Ness, CuddleCot Bereavement Consultant and Relationship Manager Follow Sian on Instagram

Sport is bringing together bereaved dads in a way that few other spaces can. For many of these men, the grief of losing a child is isolating, something that often goes unspoken in everyday life. But on the pitch, that silence breaks.

Teams like FC Vilomah in Essex, 4Louis FC, The Lily Mae Foundation FC and SANDS United FC are showing how football can be more than just a game. It becomes a space for remembrance, healing, and connection. These dads lace up their boots not just for competition, but to honour the memory of their babies or children. The camaraderie of sport provides a natural way to bond, where words aren’t always needed and where shared experience speaks louder than anything else.

Through weekly matches and training sessions, grief becomes something held in community, not in solitude. The goals scored, the runs made, even the defeats, all become part of a deeper process of support and healing. In the simplest terms, sport gives these fathers something powerful: a place to feel like themselves again, surrounded by others who truly understand.

FC Vilomah is a grassroots football team based in Chelmsford, Essex, created to support bereaved parents, particularly fathers across the county who have experienced the loss of a child. The team was founded in 2019 by Simon Johns after the stillbirth of his daughter, Jessica. The word “Vilomah” means “against the natural order,” used here to describe a parent who has lost a child.

The club offers more than just Sunday League football; it provides a community and support network for those dealing with grief. Players wear kits that include the names of their babies or children, giving every match a deeply personal significance. 

They meet every Thursday for social sessions, and for those who want to play more regularly without the pressure of full-time commitment, the club runs two Sunday teams. These include both an open-age side and a veterans team competing in the Chelmsford and Southend leagues. FC Vilomah is open to players of all abilities and in addition to its footballing activities, they organise regular fundraising events such as charity matches, golf days, and race nights.

In 2024, the club proudly became a registered charity. Their efforts have raised over £90,000 for bereavement support organisations, including Little Havens Hospice and the Blossom Suite at Broomfield Hospital. Their impact has been widely acknowledged, earning them the title of Essex Grassroots Project of the Year.

FC Vilomah is more than a team – it’s a tribute, a healing space, and a support system for families navigating unimaginable loss. 

4Louis FC is a special football team created by the 4Louis bereavement charity, set in the Sunderland/South Tyneside area. It’s more than just a kickabout, it’s a healing space for fathers, grandfathers, uncles, and brothers who’ve lost a child.Whether you’ve lost a baby, toddler, or young child, you’re invited to join, regardless of your football skill level. 

The club runs regular training and support sessions, for instance, evening “changing room chatter” from 6–7 pm followed by a gentle kickabout from 7–8 pm. These sessions are open to all affected by the same kind of loss and are typically held at Leisure United Ford in Sunderland. 

Thanks to a partnership with Sunderland AFC Foundation and local hospitals, 4Louis FC benefits from excellent facilities and guided coaching. But the heart of it lies in what happens off the pitch, forming bonds through shared grief, remembering children, and finding strength in community.

In essence, 4Louis FC turns grief into solidarity, offering a space to connect, support each other, and find solace among people who really understand. 

Rosie’s Daddy, Aaron said:

“I was slightly nervous to attend the 4Louis FC, I saw the post on Facebook and commented to say I was going to come to the next session. From that, 2 of the members messaged me before I even turned up to offer their support and welcome me. This eased my worries and when I walked through the door everyone there made me feel welcomed from the off. We all had conversations about general stuff before having a kick around. Instantly I knew this was a team I would be a part of for the rest of my life. It’s not about ability, it’s about a group of guys getting together and supporting each other, having a laugh with each other, while knowing that we’ve all experienced that loss, each in our own way. When I got my team shirt with Rosie and her DOB, Number 8 on the back, I felt such pride to put it on. Every time I play wearing it, I know she is looking down on me doing the thing I love with a great good of friends, and she is right there with me, every step of the way”

Sands United FC is a network of football teams across the UK created to support men who have experienced the loss of a baby. Formed in 2018 by Rob Allen in Northampton after the stillbirth of his daughter, the idea was simple: use football to bring bereaved dads, brothers, uncles, and friends together to support one another through shared grief.

The project quickly grew from one team to dozens across England, Wales, and Northern Ireland. As of 2024, nearly 40 Sands United teams operate nationwide, each offering a unique but unified purpose; to create a safe, understanding environment where men can connect and heal.

If you’ve experienced the loss of a baby or child and are looking for a way to find connection and support through sport, these teams can be a starting point. 

FC Vilomah: https://www.facebook.com/share/1FmZwYB9pF/?mibextid=wwXIfr

4LouisFC: https://www.facebook.com/share/16hADNVKUJ/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Sands United: https://www.sands.org.uk/sands-united

To find other types of support including online anonymous access to free grief counselling visit: cuddlecot.com/gireving