A Parent’s Experience of Choice After Baby Loss
Kelly shares her daughter Liliana’s story to help others understand the profound importance of choice, time, and compassionate care after baby loss. Her experience reflects the reality faced by so many families who never expect to need bereavement support, yet find themselves navigating unimaginable grief. We are deeply honoured that Kelly has allowed us to share her testimony, in the hope it helps other parents feel seen, understood, and supported.
My daughter, Liliana Marie Butler, was born on November 3, 2023 while I was home alone. I was only 16 weeks 5 days along. She was my first pregnancy and I didn’t realize I had been in labor for several hours until she was born. I called for an ambulance because I knew something was seriously wrong.
The ambulance rushed me to the hospital and I was immediately taken back for surgery because I couldn’t pass the placenta and was losing a lot of blood. After surgery, my only thought was about Lily. I wanted my daughter. My husband had told me that he got to hold her while I was in surgery and I was honestly jealous because at this point it had been several hours since her birth. I didn’t think I would get the opportunity to see her or hold her.
Then a nurse brought her and CuddleCot into my hospital room. Because of CuddleCot I was able to see and hold my daughter for as long as wanted. I was able to rest after my surgery knowing my daughter was safe beside me. The first few times I woke up from quick naps, I was in a panic that she was gone but being able to look over at her in the CuddleCot instantly calmed me. Yes I understood she was dead but having her body there to hold, to talk to, to grieve over somehow made it easier to understand what was going on. It also helped my husband process what was going on. He could hold, love on her, and check on her when his emotions and grief became too much.
After a day and a half with Lily, we were both emotionally ready to say goodbye to her and allow her to be taken to the mortuary. If it wasn’t for CuddleCot, we never would have been able to have this time with her. She is my only child and for a brief time I was able to hold her, love her, and experience being her mother before saying goodbye. I can honestly say that if we didn’t have that time with her, my husband and I would not have been able to mentally recover from losing her. We both love and miss Lily but we both look back at that day and half with her fondly.
I believe every parent who goes through something like this should be able to have this opportunity if they want it. The world expects parents to just get over the loss of their child like it never happened but until this happens to them, they don’t understand how hard it is to go from feeling life inside of you to not having that child around anymore. It takes time for the mind to understand what happened and CuddleCot made it easier for both me and my husband to process what was happening and allow us to say goodbye in a way that didn’t feel rushed or abrupt.
Kelly’s words are a powerful reminder that every family grieves differently, and that there is no single “right” way to say goodbye. While we wish no family ever needed a CuddleCot, we believe every family deserves the option of gentle cooling and the chance to spend unhurried time together, if that is what they want. By sharing her experience, Kelly is helping raise awareness among families, clinicians, hospitals, hospices, and funeral homes, so that more parents are offered this choice with compassion and without judgement.
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